One of the secrets to being an Aligned Entrepreneur I learned in Raymond Holliwell’s book Working With the Law, which was recommended reading from my mentor. It struck me immediately but I didn’t recognize its power right away until I learned how to harness it.
Giving away your substance in places in which it is not wanted, needed, or requested is one of the biggest causes of misalignment, and also heartache.
Picture it. You are chatting with someone who you absolutely know you can help. And without thinking you blurt out some information – the exact information they need, the keys to the kingdom. And they dismiss that gold as if it’s common, average, no big deal. Maybe they are resisting the gold, maybe they don’t get it, or maybe they really don’t care. It doesn’t matter. It leaves you feeling an emptiness in the pit of your stomach. You know the one. It comes from giving little pieces of yourself away.
What is your substance?
In order to be aware of what NOT to give away, you need to know what your substance actually is. In my world, I think of your substance as your genius and your mission. What you do absolutely brilliantly, and the “why” that drew you to business in the first place, the one that is so close to your heart.
It’s great to share information, but the important stuff, the stuff that matters to you, the stuff you are on the planet to give… give that stuff wisely.
Where it can do most good?
What does it mean to give where it can do most good? Holliwell quotes from the Bible in his work:
I see it every day, people going around giving “good advice” to others for a variety of reasons. They get fulfillment, love, or appreciation from “helping.” They are trying to prove they are good enough or impressive. It’s simply a habit to talk a lot. They feel responsible for the well-being of others. If you’re doing this, please stop! You’re depleting your energy and the people receiving your advice are not taking it anyway!
How do I tell when to give it?
Well, the first answer is, give it to people who are paying you for it! This is an easy way to know they are invested in doing good with your gifts. One of the best reasons to take money and to raise your rates is that you’ll have better clients! The more invested they are the better result they will get. And better results = better clients.
Now you can also give your gifts to people who are invested in other ways. I believe one of the arts to develop as an Aligned Entrepreneur is the ability to discern when someone is bought in to what you are offering. They need to be bought in energetically, and in their hearts and minds before they will pay you.
Developing the Art
So what does it take to begin to understand where your substance can do most good?
- Receiving money. Just do it!
- Being fully present. If you are not thinking about you are going to say next, where you have to be next, or what happened yesterday. If you’re not trying to hide some part of yourself that you hope no one can see, then you’re able to be fully present to others. When you are really being with the other person, you can sense if they are with you, if they are listening, if they are in resonance with your message.
- Holding back. I know this might sound surprising since I frequently talk about speaking your Truth loud and proud. Do that too. But in order to begin to discern when your substance is welcomed and appreciated, you need to practice holding back. Observe – if I don’t pipe in, what happens? Do they have another solution? Will someone else throw out advice? Wait until they ask for it – literally and energetically. Don’t be a Patty Proven!
- Ask questions. Rather than giving dysfunctional advice, practice asking questions and discerning where the other person actually is. You might ask things like:
a. How long have you been dealing with that?
b. What have you tried?
c. What’s your game plan?
d. How important is this issue to you?
e. What role would you like me to play here?
f. Are you interested in what I think?
The Benefits of Wise Giving
For entrepreneurs who have mastered the concept of giving their substance where it can do most good, and the ability to discern this, the benefits are astounding. The biggest benefit is a profound peace and fulfillment knowing that you are doing what you are here to do. But if that’s not enough:
- You convey the impression of increase. If someone is grounded in who they are and values it enough to keep it in until asked, their energy is magnetic. You have a solid gravitational pull!
- You have an air of mystery. If people know all your stuff, what’s the fun in paying you to learn more?
- You save energy. Remember that empty feeling that comes after someone dismisses your gift? No more of that! And no more coming to the rescue for things that aren’t important to you (Circumstance Cindy).
- You’ll begin to recognize that you don’t actually have to prove how smart and talented you are to be loved and accepted (Patty Proven). People may even like you better!
- You practice good boundaries. This will keep you from over giving in your business and other areas of your life.
- You will stop attracting and allowing unsolicited feedback. One of the things that happens when we don’t practice seeing and honoring boundaries by overstepping them to over give, is other people feel they have the right to do the same. The number one killer of businesses is the receiving of unsolicited feedback from unhealthy sources. Nothing triggers fear faster. If you stop giving in the wrong places, people will no longer put that on you!