I recently reconnected with two different friends/ colleagues from my former life – people I knew via my first engineering job out of college. They are two really fantastic people with whom I was excited to reconnect.
During each conversation something got my attention, which stopped me short for a moment, and I knew I just had to write about it.
During the first encounter my former office mate told me, “I was so surprised to hear that you were a coach because I wondered how you could help anyone since it seemed to me that you had made a mess of your own life. Then I read your website and it all made sense.”
The second comment went like this: “I used to tell my friends about my friend Darla who was so smart and talented yet constantly sabotages herself.”
So I share this for a few reasons.
Each of Our Paths Allows for Interpretation
One interpretation of my life path could be:
- She’s confused and wandering
- She’s changed careers four times
- Lots of interests and passion but no commitment
- Failed at marriage
- Single at (almost) 40
Another interpretation could be:
- Unwilling to stay where she isn’t happy
- Willing to take big risks and learn from them
- Allowing her divinely perfect plan to unfold even if its challenging or scary
- Drinking in all life has to offer
- Inspired and courageously seeking Truth
I know that the latter interpretation is my Truth. And the first interpretation is perfectly valid as well, depending on one’s point of view.
This is why it is so important that we choose who we surround ourselves with as we grow.
Their Listening Matters
The view held by the people around us makes a huge difference. This gets a little esoteric, but stay with me.
We as individuals do not actually exist, except in the listening of the people around us. We think that we have an identity, but our identity is 100% based on the view people have of us. It’s the same question as, “If a tree falls in the woods, does it actually make a sound?” What we think of ourselves in our internal dialogue makes no difference if no one else sees it.
But, Darla, what about the Cycle of Proving?
I know, right? If our internal opinion about who we are and what we’re about makes no difference unless people see us that way, yet the Cycle of Proving we’re right will eventually make us quit, what’s a burgeoning entrepreneur to do?
You’ve got to find new people.
Getting the old people to see what you see, when they didn’t get the message you got, is like pushing rope. It’s not gonna work. Ever. The more you try to get them on board, or pretend that they aren’t judging you, the more tired you’ll become.
I remember as I was in the initial stages of my business a very wise coach had a powerful impact on me. I said offhandedly one day, “I don’t understand why my friends and family aren’t referring people to me.” And she said, “Why do you care? Get over it.”
The moment I let go of caring what the people in my old world thought about me was a moment I became free. I suddenly saw all of the BILLIONS of people in my new world in a whole new way.
Prospects. People who would be willing to see me as I KNEW I was, not as how they’d already judged me to be. A wide open space of possibility.
Who You Are Has Nothing to do with Who You Were
Who you are really is between you and Spirit. And, keeping it between you makes not a bit of difference. You’ve got to get your Truth out into the world.
There is a unique perception of life that you have, that only you can see. Each of your experiences has given you a special view into the issues of the world, or of your ideal clients, and you have a unique ability to solve them. More often than not, the people around you don’t see them.
Why? Because most of us have chosen our initial path based on who we thought we needed to be to get love, make the grade, or survive in life. So our environment isn’t listening for us to be the mission-driven entrepreneur we really are. They are listening for us to play they role they have decided we should play in their story. (I was ‘supposed’ to be an engineer climbing the corporate ladder after all).
See, the Truth was brewing in me for years before I figured out how it all fit together and created something tangible in the world to represent it. That is true for you as well.
Had I chosen to stay in the listening people had of me based on the external evidence of who I was, I’d be a hot mess today, either still in flux, or in a prestigious job I hated. But I stepped away, went inside, and also surrounded myself with people who were willing to see me for who I knew I was, not who I’d been.
They’ll Catch Up
By the end of my brunch with friend #2, she told me that she would love to have my life. She heard what I’d been doing and where I’m heading and she got it, completely. Yet she could have never pictured it if I were explaining at as a vision or a hope or a wish that only I could see (in fact, I’m pretty sure I’d tried that.) And certainly she wouldn’t have been able to know how all of my seeming mistakes made me exactly qualified to be who I am today.
But she’ll catch up. So will your peeps, eventually. Or they won’t and that’s OK too.
You’ve heard that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. This I know to be true. But more importantly, I know that whether you believe it or not, you must embrace that idea to release the attachment to people’s approval long enough to get where you need to go! 🙂
Want to join ME and MY PEEPS as we listen to you as the biggest version of who you are?
Join the IAI and step into my belief in you: http://www.inneralignmentintensive.com