Inside Every Successful Entrepreneur Lies a Scared Little Girl (or Boy)
Your level of success is directly proportional to your level of willingness to face, and transform, the internal stuff that will stop you from being fully yourself. Period.
Now, people can be “successful” materially or on paper without doing this – I was as a corporate engineer. But I’m talking about the kind of success that radiates from deep within, because you actually have the life you want, doing work you love.
If you don’t deal with the “stuff” – the old stories and beliefs about who you are and who you should or shouldn’t be – you may be able to remain calm on the outside, but the insides are a ball of stress, right?
If you’re not calm on the inside, you’ll eventually stop yourself.
You’ve got to be willing to do the work. I don’t mean the work marketing your business, that comes later. You’ve got to do the inner work to remain calm on the inside
Being an entrepreneur is the world’s best personal development seminar. You’re constantly receiving feedback that is a reflection of your level of consciousness and growth.
How you decide to deal with that feedback is the measure of success. And you are just a handful of decisions away from being the person you’re committed to being.
You really don’t let it bother you?
My clients at a recent client retreat were asking me, incredulously, “Do you really not let stuff bother you?”
I could honestly answer, “no.” And I could openly share about stuff that does push my buttons, and that I always know I can quickly find a way to reframe it and let it go. (And I’m no longer embarrassed to admit my buttons!)
As I continue to step further into owning my place on this planet as a leader and healer of women through the gateway of entrepreneurship, I had a new recognition this week… I have dealt with some sh*t.
It wasn’t always easy.
When you are through your pain on certain topics, it can be easy to forget what it was like before it transformed. And it can look from the outside as if it’s just simply easy for me. It’s gotten to a place where it is easy (or easier), but it hasn’t always been that way.
I’ve been talking to women this week who are just admitting their pain for the first time. I want you to get that you are no different than me. I’ve just made a few new decisions. I want to share some of my pain. My intention is for you to get who you are. If any of this is familiar, know you are simply a decision a way from releasing it and becoming the person you’re meant to be.
- My parents divorced when I was two. I was certain I was an unwanted burden, and became committed to making up for my existence.
- Alcohol abuse in my household affected my ability to relax or trust anyone, especially myself. (“That didn’t really happen…”) I was committed to hiding.
- We lived with multiple different men before my mom remarried when I was in first grade. I learned that you better have a man around, even if you don’t like them.
- I was fat by age 5. I lost weight in 7th grade but could only see fat. I’ve never done a cartwheel.
- I was a big sister to much younger siblings and was “in charge” at an early age. It didn’t matter so much because I stopped being a kid long before they came around.
- I had a toxic relationship in high school/ college and thought I deserved to be treated that way. I was hit on several occasions, I was cheated on, and lied to. And everyone knew but me. I finally left when the relationship affected my work, because work was how I measured myself.
- When I was 19 my stepdad and brother were in a near-fatal car accident. My brother was 5. I no longer trusted that when someone left home they would also come back unharmed.
- I worked for years in jobs that fed my ego’s need to be smart and have right answers. I gave people what they wanted and ignored what I wanted. I loved the prestige associated with the company I worked for, and felt better than other people who didn’t.
- I’ve been “severed” from a job. I’ve waited tables. I’ve worried about how my resume looked.
- I bought an old house to rehab. I’d been watching HGTV and thought I could do it myself in 6 months and within budget. Let’s just say it was my first major failure.
- I got married and divorced within a year (after dating for several years). I was a stepmom and gained and lost a stepson in this process, which was extremely painful. My ex-husband was using drugs, and had a lot in common with that old high school boyfriend. How did I make this mistake?
- I had a rocky relationship with my mom – I was convinced she didn’t understand me for most of my life. I was constantly worried that people would leave me, so while I hated some of how she treated me, I also couldn’t stop wanting to please her.
- My stepdad died of cancer while I was sitting in my corporate cubical. Thankfully I felt complete with him before he died.
- My dad, who left me on the porch steps waiting for him time and again, and I had healing to do as well. I went through stages of feeling angry with him, to feeling I had to forgive him because he was my dad, to recognizing I really didn’t have to do anything with him, to finally freedom to see him or not as I choose, and also to ask to see him on my terms.
- I’ve been in and out of debt multiple times. I once had to put an event I was hosting on 3 different credit cards, praying it would be profitable.
- I’ve had the experience of having no faith and felt the desperation of trying to figure out what to do next, while trying to control all the outcomes in life.
- I’ve had family members who completely didn’t “get it” and questioned my decision to leave a good paying job to start a business. I’ve had to give up the desire to prove myself to the doubters (an unhealthy energy) time and again.
- And, most importantly, I’ve been scared to death to put my opinion out into the world to be judged and ridiculed. I’ve certainly been too scared to share the stuff I’m sharing here.
Are you willing to let go of your right to remain small?
Here’s the thing. I don’t share this for you to be impressed. I don’t share it for you feel pity. I share because I want you to get that each of these experiences left an imprint on me. Each one had the potential to limit my belief in who I am and what is possible for me. And, each one did for a time. (And some likely still are in ways that haven’t yet come into my awareness).
I am 100% willing to deal with my stuff. The moment it gets triggered, the moment I become aware, I can step back, take a look, and let it go (sometimes it takes a few moments, and then I call my coach!)
Inside every successful person lies a scared, hurt, angry, or jaded little kid. Period. It’s how well we’ve learned to let go of our right to remain scared, hurt, angry or jaded that determines our true experience of success.
And that, no matter how painful the experience, is just a decision. None of it dictates who you get to be now unless you let it.
Can you give yourself just a little more freedom this week?