I was in my high level mastermind.
I’d invested a lot to be here.
The peers in the group seemed to have their own world of issues they were solving, as we all are as badass entrepreneurs who are committed to growth.
But no one seemed to have the same problem as me.
And I desperately wanted to find the answer.
Here is what I wanted to know. Am I going too fast, or am I going too slow?
My business had grown at a pace that seemed extraordinary to me. I knew I was aligned and loved what I was doing and was very good at it. But I’d begun running into walls. I had trouble hiring and leading my team. I was constantly feeling bogged down by the details of getting things done. Everything I was doing either felt like it was taking FOREVER, or that it happened so fast that my team couldn’t keep up. So even though many things were great, I didn’t experience much peace.
And because of this I’d become obsessed with questions like these:
“How much do you and your team get done in a month?”
or
“How long do you give yourself to plan out your launches?”
This went on for years and in several different masterminds.
I figured if the first group couldn’t give me the answer that I wanted it, then maybe the second group would have a different perspective.
And I got increasingly frustrated… no one seemed to be able to help me to see what I was missing that was having this feel so hard. I KNEW it wasn’t as hard as I was making it, but I couldn’t quite crack the code.
Have you ever been there? Knowing there was an answer you were not seeing, and even getting ANNOYED (in a most evolved way of course) with the people who didn’t seem to care to give you the answer you needed?
I’ve got to be straight with you here. This went on for me for YEARS. I made LOADS of changes to my business structure, to my offerings, to my team, to my schedule, to my management tools. Yet at a macro level I was in the same exact place. Same frustrations. Even the same revenue.
Two things were going on for me.
1) I did not have a 1-on-1 coach.
I was working in high level masterminds with savvy entrepreneurs. One group contained entrepreneurs well into the multiple six-figures, each challenged in their own way. In another I was the highest earner and most established business. It felt great to see how far I’d actually come, and I did get value from the leader, but I was ahead and so no one challenged me. Another group was actually all about going from a solid six figures to seven by having the right team in place. My revenue still didn’t budge.
I learned a lot. I gathered loads of information. But I didn’t pivot. I didn’t have someone who actually had their eye on me and my self-expression and my growth as a leader and teacher. So many programs give great strategic advice but don’t dive deeper into the shifts that really matter.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want a 1-on-1 coach. I was having trouble finding one. So many amazing mindset coaches out there have bought into the idea that people only pay a lot for business coaching, and they are hiding their magic and power under ‘build your business’ messages that all sound the same.
Also, I’m pretty smart and in tune, so I need a person who has really done their own inner work to be able to guide me.
So instead of choosing someone, I waffled around the same chief concern for years. I found people who I thought would help me to see what I wasn’t seeing, but they all wanted to talk about marketing and how-to steps and avoid the deep work that is the key to growth.
Which brings me to the second thing that was going on for me.
2) I did not want to see the Truth.
There is something that I’ve said since day one in my business… it was the core thing I discovered that brought me into the world of personal growth in the first place. It goes like this:
We are always getting what we are committed to.
If you are someone committed to living a life of Truth, the kind of life that means that you walk through life totally clear and empowered, because nothing is hidden, then consider taking this perspective on as true. It will be the most confronting, and most liberating, choice you’ve ever made.
Even in the midst of dancing around my issue, I knew that I was committed to this struggle. I knew that there was something on for me that I couldn’t see… a subconscious pattern that was keeping me in the weeds. I knew it. I looked for it. I told myself I wanted to see it. I saw and cleared loads of other things along the way. But the core of my block remained safely hidden from my view.
I could point fingers at the people I’d hired in hopes of seeing it, but the Truth is I just didn’t want to.
Because in seeing the Truth, I’d have to align to the Truth, and that was freaking scary.
In seeing the Truth, I’d have to let go of something that I was terrified to let go of.
In seeing the Truth, I’d have to heal a part of myself that had become such a part of my identity that I didn’t even realize it was running my life.
Do you know this fear?
When A 4-Year Old Runs Your $600K Business
Here I was a powerful and confident entrepreneur, who STILL had a 4-year old running the show, wreaking havoc and causing struggle, all in an effort to keep me safe.
And it wasn’t until the moment the pain of where I was became greater than the fear of change, I became willing to see it. And in that moment I was willing the pieces began to unfold. (HINT: It was after a really big “failure” that I finally surrendered).
Now that I was willing:
- I could see the areas of life that were out of resonance for where I was going.
- I actually left a group that was wonderful and loving and super smart, knowing that it wasn’t the right energetic container for me to grow. I trusted myself and my absolute knowing of energy, rather than the logical part of myself that felt like I “should” stay at this table I’d earned the right to be at.
- I found a mentor who was the right energetic match to hold space for where I was going.
- And I began to make changes.
As soon as I became willing, I was able to see the Old Tired Path™ that had kept me spinning my wheels.
The Old Tired Path is a teaching I’ve been using for years to guide people to see the filter through which they’ve been viewing life that is keeping them from seeing how simple it can be to have the thing they really want.
There is a specific access point to your Old Tired Path, and when you are willing to see it, you will find it by tuning in to your current biggest issue (Chief Concern). Within that concern lies the exact energy of your Old Tired Path.
Am I Too Fast or Too Slow?
When I became willing, and created for myself a clear energy of commitment to resolve my Chief Concern and to emerge at a whole new level, I did it.
Here’s what happened.
I tuned in to my Chief Concern – which in this case, and for years, turned out to be frustration with my team and the pace of our work. I often found myself wondering what the heck people on my team were doing and why everything was so slow. I had made up all kinds of stories about this… I’ll spare you the details here. But they ran the gamut from I am just so wicked smart and quick that another human couldn’t keep up, to I am so slow and detailed that I confuse people. Lots of stories.
When I tuned in to the energy of the specific scenario happening at the time, it felt like plodding through molasses. It was SOOOO slow.
When I thought about facing the situation I felt a feeling in my stomach – a clenching fear.
The feeling took me back to being a kid when I was constantly being yelled at to hurry up. I tied my shoes too slow, and mom would yank my hands away and tie them for me and drag me out the door. My speed was never right.
When I was in school, however, I was fast. I was often the first one done with a test. I learned quickly that this was not cool. I’d intentionally slow myself down, or draw pictures in the margins, so I didn’t have to be the one to get up to turn the paper in first.
I was never fast enough, but I was also too fast.
And the main thing is, that I didn’t trust my own pace. In fact, in my experience in life growing up, there was no such thing as a ‘right pace.’ I was always adjusting my pace to fit other people, and I hated it.
Fast forward to me as a leader of my team. I never wanted to make someone else feel the way that I felt as a kid. So I let them go their own pace. I never questioned how fast they would work or what they were getting done, even that meant accepting something that was completely unworkable for me.
Since I didn’t have an internal awareness of the pace that worked for me, I didn’t know how to hire and screen for people who could keep up.
As I saw this, I instantly flashed back to my years of asking colleagues in masterminds about how fast they were moving or how they decided how much they could get done. OMG – I was completely looking for someone else to set the pace and decide for me how fast to move… to fit in… to keep up… and to not look bad.
The Truth Bomb
But then the real bomb dropped into place. As Danielle LaPorte would call it, the Truth Bomb.
See once you see the OTP, you can begin to see how everything in life is being interpreted through this filter (in my case it was a path of “too fast” ← —> “too slow”… I’ve had others like “grateful” ←—> “ungrateful” and so on. The OTP is two opposite ends of the same spectrum and it keeps you stuck).
I began to see all the places my fear of being on either end of the spectrum kept me from ever being at home in my own skin. It kept me from true freedom.
Because I am fast. I think fast, I solve problems fast. I see connections fast, I implement fast, I am very fast.
But I am also slow. I move slowly, I need time and space to feel into my ideas before I’m ready to decide about them, I take forever to pack or get out of the house for an appointment. I am very slow.
I have all of these unique quirks about my pacing that are 100% true and aligned to me. As I write this I feel a smile inside at the freedom of owning that Truth.
But first I had to own the Bomb of it… I call this the “bad news insight.”
I saw that I had drawn people to me who were slower paced than me, from a subconscious need to stay safe, and allowed the energy of that to slow me down. I’d grown my business so fast, and I was very afraid. I was afraid to be all of me, afraid to be fully visible, afraid to be a badass powerhouse with money. Afraid to outgrow the people I loved.
I’d already left behind a lot of people on my path to entrepreneurship. Those who just didn’t get me anymore, those who were committed to struggle, those who weren’t in a conversation for growth.
And I got scared.
What if there was nobody left who could keep up with me?
So as I was on the surface as committed as ever to growing, the Truth was that I wasn’t. I was operating from a commitment to safety. And I let the pace of others dictate the pace of my growth. Including my spouse. Who seemed to slow down even further the faster I moved.
Yup, exactly, bad news insight.
THAT was thing that I hadn’t wanted to see.
Because in the past I’d spent so many years focused on my business and avoiding love because I was suppressed around my sexuality. Then I’d opened up, shifted and grew, and found someone I absolutely love. It was amazing! And the last thing I wanted to consider was that the love of my life couldn’t keep up. So I didn’t. I stuffed it down. And I slowed down for her to catch up. For years.
The Good News Insight
The good news? The moment you can see and own your path you can pivot. You must be willing to see the Truth, and ALIGN with that new Truth. As you can imagine, this is not for the faint of heart. Fierce conversations galore. New boundaries. New ways of being. And changes that feel like operating completely with no net. But the energy of this Truth is astounding. The miracles and flow are what living fully is all about. I’m guessing you’ve experienced it before and you know just what I mean.
Since owning Truth I have been able to see and own MY PACE. To attract team that can keep up with me. To move toward my goals without worrying about how anyone else feels about it or how long it takes, just doing what feels right, and more.
(And I’ll circle back to my relationship in a future article I’m sure… it’s juicy.)
If you are where I was, spinning your wheels and circling around a different version of the same Chief Concern… this is not how life has to be! You CAN pivot on a dime. And you can create a whole new energy in your life, and revenue stream in your business, as quickly as you are willing to see and receive Truth.
As for me, I’ve developed a whole new container of support for this, specifically designed for people who are where I was and haven’t been able to find the right space in which to transform. I see the need for this sort of offering, and I am going to tell you right now I am wicked fast at seeing Truth, and we can do it together.
My new offerings are called ALIGNED. There are live retreats and 1-on-1 coaching. The breakthrough retreat is in August. The first step of the process is my upcoming virtual workshop The Truth Pivot: How to align with what’s calling you without sacrificing what you’ve built. It’s a small investment toward big change, you can register for the workshop here: https://darla.clickfunnels.com/truth-pivot
I know I’m not alone in the ‘too fast too slow’ camp… I’d love to hear from you about what you’ve experienced in your own journey. And sending you courage for your impending transformation.