(Is she still running the show?)
Do you know that Patty Proven started your business?
Yep! I’d bet money on it if I were a betting girl.
If you are in business to make a difference in the world, the only reason you’d care to make a difference is because you perceive that something is “wrong” in the world.
On the wake of the Connecticut school shootings last week, it’s easy to perceive.
And it is motivating, right? I know that what I saw “wrong” with the world was certainly the thing that got me moving on my entrepreneurial path, and fueled my initial fire.
So what’s the problem with this?
If we are looking to fix something that is wrong, we are motivated from a dysfunctional place. “What’s wrong” thinking is a low level thinking that produces catabolic, or destructive, energy within our system. These catabolic thoughts release stress hormones into our system and are physically harmful, but also cause us to create more of what’s wrong in life.
What do I mean by this?
Let’s say that Patty Proven has created a business to help people be able to run a business that enables them to spend more time with their kids. Great mission, right? But now imagine that Patty is creating this business from a hurt place. Her own parents didn’t spend enough time with her because they were busy working, and she was deeply hurt by these events. She longed for them to notice how brilliant and talented she was. And now she wants to make sure that no other child is neglected like that.
In her own life, she puts an inordinate amount of pressure on herself to be an ideal parent. And she’s projecting neglect onto everyone she meets.
She gets so attached to her clients being ideal parents that she loses sleep over whether she is delivering right. And when she meets a prospect who is NOT parenting the way she thinks they should, her judgment gets in the way of making the sale.
Because she views life through a filter of looking for what’s wrong, with an expectation of being neglected, she sees a lot of what’s wrong, and spends much of her time angry and resentful. Things go wrong in her business on a regular basis – people don’t do what they say, technical glitches cause havoc with her support team and they don’t seem to care, etc. And she recreates that same hurt feeling she had as a child who felt neglected.
And she gets to be right that people are wrong and nobody cares for her. She’s caught in a cycle of proving.
Of course, she’s not aware of any of this, it’s happening subconsciously and energetically. But it’s happening.
How might you be bringing your own Ms. Fix-It energy to your business?
My Own Patty Proven
When I first started my business, I had a particular vision of what I wanted to create. I had a vision of creating a resort in which the staff was all well-trained and highly conscious, and committed to looking for “What’s Right” about the guests that visited. When you walked in the door you would feel so highly valued and respected, you couldn’t help but feel like a bigger version of yourself when you walked out.
(My vision is not entirely dead, by the way, just morphed into a healthier motivation… stay tuned!)
It was a great vision that inspired me enough to actually do all of the terrifying things that have gotten me to where I am today. But it was dysfunctional. As I have grown I realized that my original vision was coming from a place of trying to create an environment I didn’t think I had as a kid. My environment growing up felt so incredibly critical that I was constantly afraid to be me – that I would do something wrong and be chastised for it.
The idea of an environment that supported people in being able to be who they are was like my Patty example above – attempting to create based on my own sense of lack. Any time we are creating from a place of lack, or fixing what’s wrong, it is at its essence, dysfunctional. And when you’re bringing an essential dysfunction into your business, it will only go so far. AND, it will take a toll on your own well-being.
Don’t Throw Out the Baby!
Now, this doesn’t mean that your business is a bad idea, or that the core outcome you desire for your clients is dysfunctional. It just means that you have to come from a different place. A place of non attachment. See, the initial wounding, or the motivation for proving something in the world, is absolutely a part of what has planted the seed of purpose within you, without a doubt. But when you heal your own hurt in this area, you will be powerful beyond belief in spreading your mission.
When you are still hurt on the inside and trying to prove that the world (or your parent) is wrong, you will struggle. Any client you can’t help, or any so-called authority that disagrees with you will lay you out flat.
When you’ve got nothing to prove, and you’re on a mission of love, watch out world!
For more on this topic, check out, “What Happens When Your Needs are Met?“.