“My gut says that I’m not really getting my needs met, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s just me. What if I’m wrong?”
First of all, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this conversation with myself, in more areas than one.
If you’re having that conversation about your support team – let me tell you that you are probably not wrong.
I’ve seen many business owners desperately regretting ignoring their gut while tying themselves in knots trying to make something work when it’s not the right fit.
If you’re doing it right now, you already know I’m talking to you.
And if you’ve got it going on in a personal relationship too, you better believe you’re attracting that in your team as well.
Maya Angelou said:
“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
This is great advice. However, in order to see who they are showing themselves to be, you have to have a clear perception of things.
We’ve got to see things clearly to attract the support we need. After all, wouldn’t you love to take a vacation while your business runs itself?
Here are some quick hiring tips around getting a clear perception and acting on it.
1. Stop feeling bad.
Try eliminating the phrase, “I feel bad,” from your vocabulary. Feeling bad is a nice way of covering up our real thoughts. If you find yourself saying something like, “I feel bad, but I think I need them to be doing this better,” you are probably an enabler of inadequate support.
2. Hire for where you’re going.
This tip is true both financially – you need to invest based on the income you WANT, not where you are – and talent, skill, and personality-wise. If you are hiring someone because they are “good enough” for now, a) they probably aren’t really good enough at what you need to begin with and b) you’ll outgrow them, and they won’t be on board to take your business to the next level.
3. Hire slow, fire fast.
You may have a good gut feel about someone, or you may just have the tendency to see the good in people. Honor your gut, but, especially if you’re the “maybe I’m wrong” kind of person, give yourself time to reflect and observe your potential team member in different situations. Go with your gut, then confirm it with reality. (Try a “dating” assignment).
4. Direct conversation is king.
The number one quality I look for in a team member is an ability to have a direct conversation about what is really going on. If someone can set their ego aside and resist the urge to defend, prove, or pretend, and simply have a conversation about what’s going on, and their own strengths and limits, that is a potentially great team member. That’s my top value. Direct conversation will lead you to clarity about whether you have a value match or not.
5. Don’t hire someone you need to train.
Unless one of your key profit-generating activities is the training of a team in a particular skill, don’t hire someone you need to train extensively. There are people out there who already know how to do what you need them to do – find them. You work in your Genius, and find someone who is already clear about theirs, and it’s exactly what you need.
6. Don’t try to get a deal.
You get what you pay for.
7. Believe them the first time.
If you listen, people will tell you exactly who they are. Often we dismiss it because it’s communicated through humor, or subtle signals. But if you look back on any relationship you’ve ended, you can see that the clues to who that person really was were present from day one.I was recently perusing online dating profiles :). One profile used the word “addicted” 3 times in the first paragraph. They always tell you who they are.
Sometimes it’s not what they say but how they show up. Look for anything “out of alignment.” I once hired someone whose words said she was enthusiastic, clear, and urgent. Her energy communicated sad and detached. I chose to believe the words, while her being-ness was a total mismatch, and it didn’t go well.
8. Break up with your parents.
Here’s what I’ve determined is the clear reason that people put up with bad support. When we’re kids in an unsupportive household – whether emotionally or even physically abusive, or steeped in a sense of neglect – we have an inner knowing that something is not right. We know our heart is breaking, our emotions are wounded, and we see a view of the world that seems to be eluding our parents.But they are our parents. And rather than declare them wrong, and risk being on our own in the world (scary as a kid), we decide that they must be right. And we stop seeing the Truth, and we start seeing through the view that our parents are “great,” “loving,” and “supportive.”
You may still be saying that. But I feel pretty confident that if you are reading these words, that is likely not true.
My client recently quoted Maston Kipp who said, “To be a successful entrepreneur, you have to break up with your parents.” Not only that, but you need to look at your interpretations of your childhood that you carefully constructed to defend them, and instead get real about the pain you experienced.
You’ve got to see clearly your past pain in order to clearly recognize your future support. If you’ve filtered your past away as, “it was great,” or “they did the best they could and were loving and supportive,” yet in truth you experienced hurt, you will continue to attract support that falls short. And love relationships? Forget it!
If you’re ready to transform your old filters and attract an amazing team, email firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule a breakthrough session… and embrace all sides of yourself!