We teach what we need to learn.
Healer, heal thyself.
Your mess is your message.
Have you heard these things?
I find this to be absolutely true, and yet there are different levels of awareness of this truth that allow you, and your business, to grow.
Most of us, my tribe anyway, are in business for a reason. There is a difference you want to make in the world. There may even be something you see as “wrong” in the world that you’re trying to fix with your business.
Here are a handful of examples I’ve heard just this week:
- People waste so much time in indecision! They could be spending it doing things they love.
- Society judges people for making unconventional decisions (and this is wrong).
- People need to be seen and have their message be heard.
- People “should” be free to be themselves in life because they are good enough (this one is mine).
Often we get into business to help other people to fulfill the unmet needs of our own lives. This isn’t bad, because it helps us find our direction, and it can give us a “why” in business that ensures we get out of bed each day and we don’t quit.
That said, if we are still wounded, and trying to prove to others they can have what we don’t have, there is an impact. With the above examples, the Truth might be:
- I spend time in indecision, and it drives me crazy!
- I feel judged and I have to prove that my choices have been good.
- I am not seen or heard.
- I long to just be myself – but what if I’m not enough?
I’ve been working with clients this week to move past their own self-righteous need to prove they are OK through their business. (And we’ve all got a self-righteous streak, admit it 🙂 )
Why do we need to move past this?
Fixing is highly unattractive.
When we have not yet gotten right within ourselves, we can often go out into the world with a desire to “fix” others who have our same problem, or were hurt like we were. Then, when we feel we’ve “fixed” our problem (but we haven’t yet), we can really get on a soapbox about it, and no one wants to hear that message.
When we’re trying to prove, we are not free to explore all our options.
If the core of your business is coming from a hurt place, you’re trapped in limits that only exist in your own mind. You’ll have judgments – “People like this are like this,” etc. – and you’ll miss the opportunity for the heart-centered mission that is right in front of you.
You’ll drag ’em around.
When we want it (the result) for them in order to heal our own hurt, we’ll actually want it more than they do. That will have us drag in clients that aren’t ready for the result that we see possible for them. You’ll be so present to their pain that you won’t allow them the freedom to choose whether they want to get out of their pain. This results in non-ideal clients and non-ideal results, not to mention your own personal energy drain.
If you want it more than they do, you’ll give it away. If you don’t have the result yourself, you won’t really be present to the full value the result has to offer.
But what happens when my needs are met?
So, this is all well and good, but for many of us, the MOTIVATION to do our business comes from the need we see in the world, which comes from our own hurt. So when I don’t NEED to change ___XYZ___, then what?
When you have gotten to a place within yourself where you’ve created an AWARENESS of your own hurt that you want to heal for the world that is empowering to you, anything is possible! You now get to look at all of the possibilities and choose the role you want to play from a place of power, rather than a compulsion to fix things.
Here are some examples:
More tools in the toolbox!
- When I no longer felt the need to push people to see their own greatness (because I began to truly see my own), I immediately attracted clients who were playing a bigger game. I went out of alignment with those who wanted me to “fix them” or do it for them. I could actually embrace all of my skills rather than compartmentalizing my “coach” hat vs. my “corporate” hat. I quit making the corporate ways of doing things wrong, giving me access to a broader range of tools for myself and my clients.
Choose the Ideal Clients!
- When Client X became aware that much of her life was spent trying to prove to people that she was different, unique, important, and justified, she immediately created a new freedom to get clear about her ideal client. When she was still justifying her worth, she was all about helping her clients to justify their own worth, and she saw people who needed that everywhere! It was hard for her to narrow because everyone needed fixing, yet no one could be fixed. When she no longer felt that energy for herself, her internal panic about what was wrong with the world dissipated, and she could calmly and clearly choose the people she most likes to work with.
Raise your rates!
- When Client Z described what she wanted for her clients, which was to help them get their message out into the world in writing, she used phrases like, “help them be recognized,” and, “people will actually see them.” Examples from her life began to come to light in which she felt unrecognized and unseen, so she could heal them. When she had wanted people to be recognized SO BADLY, so she could live through them, it was hard to charge for that service. When she could get that she actually IS uniquely recognized in the world, now her service became grounded in a deep value and she could raise her rates.
Commitment vs. Attachment
When you release the need to be right about the wounds that need to be healed, you can give up your attachment to proving it to yourself and your clients. You become centered and grounded… aligned to your truth without the frenetic energy of attachment. You are now free to be committed to changing the world.
The key to maintaining motivation once you’re healed, then, is remembering what it felt like before you became aware of the Truth – that you are whole, complete and perfect as you are. Put yourself back in the “pre-transformation” place in your mind and heart, so you can meet your clients where they are. But stay present to the Truth that there is nothing for you to fix, just an opportunity for them to grow.
If you’re still attached to fixing the world, I invite you to work with a coach who can support you in moving past your own hurt and into a place of commitment to a mission that inspires you, but doesn’t own you.