And other great distractors from Truth.
It was late 2003 and I was in the middle of a rather large home renovation project and had just left my teaching job to pursue my business for the second time. I use the word “pursue” loosely as it essentially meant writing a bunch of brilliant stuff on paper and doing nothing in reality. But I was stoked. I was ready to go for it.
I had started leading seminars on a volunteer basis for a personal development organization. I learned that I actually did love speaking and teaching and coaching. I was so present in my power and what was possible in the world.
Then my cycle of proving kicked in. Trust me when I tell you it’s deceitful. It walked right into my house under my nose in the form of my contractor and future husband! 🙂
I still remember clear as day the moment it got me. I was working two part-time jobs to facilitate building my business. At the same time I was in the midst of renovating my 1911 home.
John was my tile guy. One day I was working on a project I was ill-equipped to work on, which was not unusual as I been watching a lot of HGTV and thought I knew it all. He said to me, “You know I do construction if you ever need any help,” and handed me his number.
I didn’t think much of it until the next time I was struggling with a project and decided to give him a call. (Hint: Anything you attract when you’re struggling is also resonating in struggle!)
He started helping me with a variety of things and we got to know each other fairly well. I thought he was cute but I wasn’t in the market. After all, I had a business to launch.
Then one day as I was casually caulking my new windows and minding my own business, he asked me a question. “Why do you think it is that you stay so busy?”
That was the hook. I was at a point in my life where I had recently figured out that staying busy was a mechanism I had used to distract myself from what was important to me, and especially from intimacy.
His comment made me feel like the world had opened up in front of me. This guy actually got me.
Sounds exciting. Sounds perfect, based on my recent insight, right?
See, in that moment his subconscious skill at manipulation communicated with my subconscious ego that wanted desperately to do anything but what I was set to do. I wanted desperately to hide from my calling to take the stage and be in business. His “insightful,” comment validated my fear. Yes, maybe everything I’m doing is too much and I just need to rest and f*ck around a bit…
And it happened in such a way that I didn’t even notice. It felt like the absolute Truth.
Now it’s true that I did need to stop being so busy with things like my home renovation so I could focus on my business and my dream. But rather than staying focused on that, I let his one question dictate my future and set me on a new path.
We began dating and a year and a half later were married. To fund the wedding and be responsible as a married person I got a “real job” in a corporate cubicle doing work I convinced myself I could learn to love.
I became a stepparent and was consumed by the new relationships in my life.
Now in truth there were wonderful and delightful things about all of this. I learned so much. But it was not my Truth.
The week after the wedding, chaos ensued. Okay, in truth it started just before the wedding but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. My husband’s behaviors started to alter.
He didn’t come home some days and neither did his paycheck. I could tell he was lying to me about little things, but I was “all in” at that point so I ignored it. And I was going to be the best damn stepmom around. I’d been a stepkid myself, after all.
Well, you can imagine how the story ends, as I’m a single woman with a successful business. My ex’s drug addiction became apparent and while I “graduated” from family rehab he did not.
I did what I could to make it work for the sake of my stepson, especially. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could never be responsible for making someone else’s life work no matter how much focus I put on it. After a lot of hard and very scary experiences I filed for divorce.
I learned more from this experience than just about anything, however in looking back I see so clearly that it could have been avoided. I can see clear as day that just when I was about to step into my greatness I willingly, almost deliberately, stepped off course.
Now we’ll never know if I could have bypassed that lesson and that healing or if it needed to happen in that specific way. I do not believe that we can ever take a wrong path because our Truth is always waiting for us. But I am crystal-clear that I could be a lot further right now and could have avoided a lot of pain had someone helped me catch my Cycle of Proving in the act and reminded me of my personal Truth.
Getting married is a pretty extreme distraction, yet I see people create relationships, illnesses, and other extreme “priorities” every single day the moment they make a decision to pursue their dream. And guess what, I did it too.
I thought that moment, that captivating glance, and that insightful comment from my contractor was spirit or intuition speaking to me. But it was simply my ego grasping at any straw that could keep me hidden. And it worked for about three years until something kicked me back on my path. Don’t take the scenic route to your dreams, people. Get help in discerning your truth before it’s too late. (But don’t panic, it’s never too late!)
I am grateful for this experience as it helps me to recognize when ego is talking in my clients, because I know it intimately. This weekend 12 fantastic and courageous entrepreneurs will be allowing me to guide them past their stories that are keeping them from charging what they are worth and being seen and known for who they really are, and I am THRILLED to support their growth.
(If you want to join our next intensive and find courage to bypass your Cycle of Proving, submit your name & email using the form here: http://www.inneralignmentintensive.com!)